New year plans.

I don’t have depression. I’ve never had it and hope that I never will. But the three people closest to me in my life do. My mother and two of my closest and best friends have it. As I was explaining to one of said friends last night, I have absolutely no idea what it’s like. I cannot ever fathom the depths of how it feels. But I have witnessed it closely and can identify what’s happening. Not only that, but I can explain it scientifically and physiologically. Analogically, I can trace the route on a map, but I don’t know what the landmarks look like.

The reason I bring it up is because one of the things that my friends have taught me about depression is that it’s like being lost; that feeling of not being able to find your way back again.
I found last night that I am thankful that I don’t have that. I haven’t had a great month. I had a mild case of Glandular Fever and had a really bad allergic reaction and had exams and coursework and a few pieces of bad news and massive rows with mother and it’s pretty much all over now. I have got to the point where I felt I should have bounced back already and been my usual happy self. It was starting to bug me and I’ve been a bit of a grumpy bastard and haven’t had that spark that makes things fun.

Then last night, I decided to get really drunk. I very rarely feel in that mood. Luckily, I had a bloody lovely companion who was in the same mood. And through that plan, before the drinking had actually commenced, I figured out what was wrong.

With all the upset of the last month, I’d lost my way. I didn’t have a target or aim or goal. I had nothing to shoot for when I was doing my day-to-day living. But now, that’s changed. I finally have things to which I can do!

Academic goals: Do at least three hours of work outside lectures a day. Be it reading or revision or whatever.
Also, get a first for this year.

Health goals: Run at least twice a week. Go back to doing press-ups and sit-ups etc. every day.

I want start meditating again. I stopped at some point last year. I can’t remember why or when but I just don’t do it anymore. This is sad and should be sorted.

So those are my things to do this year. Hurray!